Nightmares about Zombie movies?
Could you survive a war against the undead? We’ve all thought about our own zombie escape plan at least once. If you lived in a town, would you pack up all your resources and go? Or would you try and salvage the community? Would you become self-sufficient out in the country? Growing your own crops, digging latrines, setting up borders? If you were in a high-rise in the middle of the city… well, you guys are probably screwed. But what about the rest of us? Just how well could we survive? All of those factors don’t mean a damn thing until we consider the most crucial one — which zombies are we up against?
Now, you might be thinking “zombies are zombies, what does that matter?” Grow up, Doug. Of course, it matters. You’re not gonna need to hide out in the country if you’re up against the simple-minded walkers from Shaun of the Dead, but versus the bloodthirsty sprinters from World War Z, I’d suggest leaving the whole planet behind. Below we’ve ranked ten zombie films from most survivable to least, considering factors like zombie breeds (speed, durability, viciousness), the setting, and means of infection. Could you survive a war against the undead?
Congratulations! You’ve found yourself in the most survivable zombie apocalypse in Night of the Living Dead. That’s not to say it’s going to be easy — you’ve still got ravenous ghouls on your tail fiending for some good brain. However, these guys are pretty ineffectual unless they’re gathered in a horde. They have no super strength, they still feel pain, they’re slow, and they’re afraid of fire. They are smarter than your average zombie, able to use tools and open doors. But as long as you’ve got a gun or something to bash their heads in, the ghouls are easy to kill if you destroy the brain and steer clear of their teeth. One bite from these suckers and you’ll get a serious hankering for long pig. The best course of action here is an armed posse, which does fairly well towards the end of the film. Keep the ghouls from assembling and take them down in groups. Just don’t let yourself be mistaken for one.
Shaun of the Dead (2004)
Things are still looking pretty good for your survival in Shaun of the Dead. Much like the above, these zombies are slow moving and limited by rigor mortis. Alone, they’re not much of a threat, and they’re fairly stupid. It’s when they buddy up you should be worried. Together, they’re much stronger than Romero’s zombies. Strong enough to break windows and tear people apart with their hands. Getting overrun is your biggest concern. These zombies are attracted to light and sound, making it much harder to hide. Your best bet is to find somewhere safe to hole up, have a nice, cold pint and wait for this to blow over. No, seriously. These zombies are easily dispatched once military forces arrive. To survive this apocalypse, stay home.
Zombieland (2009)
It’s time to nut up or shut up, you’re in Zombieland. Slow walking zombies are not a thing here, it’s best to practice your cardio. Not only can these guys run, but they have a decent level of durability. Broken limbs won’t stop them, and they don’t seem to decay at the normal rate. What keeps these zombies low of the food chain, however, is how easy it is to kill them. They don’t need a shot to the head, they can be killed like regular humans with shots to the chest or broken necks. As long as you double tap. They also don’t have a great sense of self-preservation, running directly into rides at the amusement park and falling from great heights. If you stay sharp, find a group and follow the rules, you’ll have a better chance of survival.
Night of the Living Dead (1968)
Congratulations! You’ve found yourself in the most survivable zombie apocalypse in Night of the Living Dead. That’s not to say it’s going to be easy — you’ve still got ravenous ghouls on your tail fiending for some good brain. However, these guys are pretty ineffectual unless they’re gathered in a horde. They have no super strength, they still feel pain, they’re slow, and they’re afraid of fire. They are smarter than your average zombie, able to use tools and open doors. But as long as you’ve got a gun or something to bash their heads in, the ghouls are easy to kill if you destroy the brain and steer clear of their teeth. One bite from these suckers and you’ll get a serious hankering for long pig. The best course of action here is an armed posse, which does fairly well towards the end of the film. Keep the ghouls from assembling and take them down in groups. Just don’t let yourself be mistaken for one
Rec (2007)
If you’re outside the apartment complex in Rec, lucky you. You’re safe. If that’s your apartment complex… ehh, good luck. Though initially believed to be from a dog with rabies, this virus is demonic in nature, so you’ll have a difficult time find an antidote. Or a willing priest. These zombies are super strong, even an old, infected woman has enough strength to almost overpower the four men holding her down. The fortunate thing is the speedy response time from the CDC and emergency services locking down the area as a quarantine. The unfortunate thing is they’ve locked you in there with the disease. Being locked inside with flesh-eating zombies isn’t ideal, but you could certainly still survive by quarantining yourself further. Meaning, stay in your apartment, barricade the door, and await further instructions. Don’t be that guy who wants to investigate.
Planet Terror (2007)
Look, unless you’re as badass as El Wray (Freddy Rodriguez) or have an assault rifle for a leg, Planet Terror is gonna be tough. This outbreak occurs due to a deadly biochemical being released into town and turning most of the population. You may be lucky and escape that initial wave, but they can still transmit the disease through bites. These infected are even stronger than those in Rec, with the ability to tear limbs from a body in seconds and their ravenous hunger makes them quick eaters. And, well, they’re just horrible to look at. On the plus side, some of the population is immune, and it’s possible to stop the infection by cutting off infected limbs. So there is always the possibility for a cure. And they’re slow, so if you stick to long range weapons, you might soon be sipping cocktails in the Caribbean. That is, if you make it that long.
Dawn of the Dead (2004)
Now the zombies in Dawn of the Dead aren’t slow or dumb. In fact, these guys can reach a full sprint without needing to catch their breath. And they can climb too. And plan a surprise attack. Those zombies are too intelligent for their own good. You need a group that’s just as intelligent to get past them. Hopefully a massive truck too to get through the hordes. They don’t give up easily, if they know someone’s trapped inside somewhere (like the mall), they will wait forever until you slip up. Is anyone else getting nervous? However, they can be injured and debilitated, thus becoming a “twitcher” and giving you enough time to get that headshot. Another plus is that they don’t hurt animals. They can be used to run errands, as transport, and, while rebuilding society, no one needs to worry about livestock being eaten. Just don’t endanger the group trying to save a perfectly safe dog, Nicole (Lindy Booth).
Train to Busan (2016)
Why are you on a train during a zombie apocalypse? Get off the train! Wait, no, dear God, get back on! Are you crazy? Look, you live in a large, overpopulated city, you’re dead. If you’ve somehow managed to escape the initial wave, you’re probably now trapped somewhere. Like a train. These zombies are close to World War Z level of rampage, clambering over each other for a chance to taste your blood. They do have two weaknesses, though; doors and darkness. In most classic zombie flicks, the undead know how to handle a door knob. Not these guys. They can’t break them down either, or windows. And if the lights go out, you’re practically invisible. No super smell for them. So, if you can find yourself a safe enough space with sturdy doors and windows that you can keep nice and dark, your lifespan will increase exponentially.
28 Days Later (2002)
The zombies in 28 Days Later are not only infected with the zombie virus, they’re infected with rage, making them twice as deadly. They will kill for the hell of it. They are fast, they are strong, and they leave no man uninfected. The worst part is that this rage virus is the most transmittable of all the zombie viruses out there. They don’t just need a bite anymore. It can be transmitted through blood entering orifices, scratches, saliva… seriously, how are you even still alive? These zombies turn in seconds, spewing blood which will most definitely infect you too. There’s no weepy goodbyes in this world, you kill your infected without hesitation, or you’re a goner. They’re wickedly intelligent too. Your one hope? These zombies decay! They can be rendered useless due to starvation and exposure to the elements. But for the love of God, just leave the damn city!
The Return of the Living Dead (1985)
Don’t be fooled by their simple, dimwitted appearance, the zombies in The Return of the Living Dead are near immortal. They don’t even need a working musculoskeletal system to be reanimated, they can survive down to their bare bones. The infection is transmitted via the Trioxin gas, which brings any nearby undead back to life and converts the living into zombies. You may think you could just burn the dead, like any other zombie movie. Sorry, wrong answer. The Trioxin particles can escape through the smoke and results in a toxic rain coming down and reanimating even more zombies. And these guys are incredibly durable. The only sure fire way to keep them down is to burn them to ashes. Do you see the paradox here? One of the few things on your side is their slow speed. So I’d suggest a hardy raincoat and an isolated cabin far from any cemeteries.
World War Z (2013)
If you’ve somehow found yourself amidst a World War Z type of apocalypse, then sayonara dude. Unless you’ve got a vial of some deadly pathogen to inject yourself with, seeing as tainted flesh is the only way to keep these biters at bay. These zombies are wicked fast and cluster together like ants, using each other’s bodies to climb over walls and form tsunami-like waves of attack. Are you a good runner? You better hope to God you are. There’s nowhere safe in this apocalypse. Out here, it’s either you or the guy next to you. Let’s hope he falls. Bites turn people within seconds into a convulsing erratic killer, bounding over one another to get to their next victim. They’re less concerned with stopping to eat than they are with infecting all they can, and they have absolutely no regard for their own self-preservation. You might have a fighting chance if you have tie-ins with the U.N. or the WHO. But let’s face it, you’re no Brad Pitt.
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