How Staying Married During an Affair Affects Your Children

Infidelity hurts more than just the couple involved. When a couple has children, the situation deeply affects them, too. If you are in a situation where your spouse is having an affair, it is important to prioritize the best interests of your child.

This also means that staying married during an affair is a bad idea. There will inevitably be tension and fighting, which will have a detrimental effect on your children. The longer this type of situation continues, the worse it will get. It can even stunt your children’s emotional growth and development.

Emotional Toll on Children

The details of an affair are usually kept away from children, especially when they are very young. However, children of any age will be affected by emotional shifts in the relationship between their parents.

If you stay in your marriage even after your spouse’s infidelity, your children may experience anxiety. This is directly related to the new instability in their environment. There will inevitably be an emotional distance between yourself and your spouse. Your arguments may be overheard, no matter how much you try to prevent it from happening.

This can also lead to your children losing trust in the unfaithful parent. Children are a lot more intelligent than most people realize, especially considering the modern environments they grow up in.

Whether your child is five or ten, they can perceive dishonesty. It can quickly lead to distrust even if they do not fully comprehend what it means.

Unfortunately, your children may also internalize the conflict. Children tend to blame themselves for their parents’ unhappiness when this happens. This misplaced guilt can lead to emotional distress. Over the long run, these emotions can impact your children’s self-esteem.

Behavioral Changes in Children

The emotional toll of an unhappy marriage will eventually manifest in behavioral changes in your children. Depending on their ages, your kids may display unusual behavior.

For example, you may notice that your child’s grades are slipping or that they have no interest in extracurricular activities they used to enjoy.

Your child may act out in an aggressive manner as a way to cope with their emotional anguish. Or, they may withdraw and become isolated to avoid the tension inside the home.

Sometimes, children also experience psychosomatic symptoms. Your child may suffer chronic stress, which can result in headaches, insomnia, or stomach pain.

Devastating Long-Term Effects

If you choose to stay married during an affair for whatever reason, the situation may influence how children view their own relationships when they are older.

Children who grow up in a house where parents are at odds because of infidelity may develop a fear of commitment.

Even worse, they may find it difficult to trust their partners one day. As they grow and mature, your children will eventually realize the reason for all the tension and strife. This might make them wary of others, even those they may be in a relationship with.

And unfortunately, there is also the chance that your child may normalize either infidelity or conflict. They may replicate these destructive behaviors as they reach adulthood, leading to a vicious cycle of unhappiness and stress.

Sometimes Divorce Is the Answer

If your spouse has been unfaithful to you, you have a choice to make. You can stay in the marriage and try to make things work. Or you can assess the effect of the situation on your children and choose divorce.

Sometimes, divorce is not only the right answer but the only answer. If your spouse’s infidelity has created a toxic home environment, your first consideration must be to protect your children.

Since Connecticut is a no-fault divorce state, it is not necessary to prove infidelity if you want to file a divorce petition. This rule can help take some of the stress out of this painful process.

It is important to note, whoever, that the infidelity may play a role in some aspects of your divorce. For instance, it may shape the property division or alimony.

The other aspects of your divorce will include making custody schedules and deciding on visitation rights. You will likely have to create a parenting plan that details how you and your spouse will share responsibilities.

You do not want to navigate this process without the help of a divorce lawyer. Your lawyer will protect your rights while prioritizing the best interests of your children.

How Your Lawyer Can Help You

Ideally, you want to work with a local lawyer who knows the ins and outs of divorce law in Connecticut. Your lawyer will provide you with the guidance you need as you work through the legal, financial, and emotional aspects of your divorce.

Your lawyer will know when to encourage alternative dispute resolution options. It is common for divorce proceedings to become tense and adversarial, especially in light of infidelity. Sometimes, alternative options may be required so you and your spouse can come to an agreement that suits everyone.

Most importantly, your lawyer will advocate for arrangements that provide stability for your children.

Protecting Your Children

Considering how vulnerable your children will be throughout the divorce proceedings, there are several steps you must take to protect them.

Firstly, you must have positive conversations with them. Do not be tempted to run down your spouse when talking to your kids. The conversations you have with them should focus on the fact that you and your spouse love them and that they are not to blame for anything.

Family therapy or counseling can sometimes help children process their emotions. It is also often easier for children to open up to a neutral party about how they are coping.

You must keep your children’s routines consistent throughout the divorce and afterward. Continue with extracurricular activities and allow them to spend time with extended family. The best way to provide a sense of security is to provide a stable environment.

Getting Divorced Is Never Easy

In the vast majority of divorce cases, both parties suffer emotionally and sometimes financially. But those who often suffer the most are the children.

If you decide to divorce your spouse, consult an experienced divorce lawyer who can guide you on the best way forward for yourself and your children. Doing this will allow you all to move on and start a new life.

Author Profile

Adam Regan: Deputy Editor

Features and account management. 3 years media experience. Previously covered features for online and print editions.

Email Adam@MarkMeets.com