Relationship Power and who to trust

Modern women forget the value of having the ability to be submissive. Firstly, don’t be fooled by the flashy title. I’m not encouraging women to play dumb, be stuck in a ‘housewife’ role, or have no opinions.

Being submissive to a man is not about that at all. I’m also not encouraging women to be submissive all the time. Being submissive is just another role that a woman can take up every now and then in her relationship with a high value, masculine man.

But why be more submissive in a relationship? What good can it bring you? Being submissive can bring more passion, strength and life to a healthy relationship.

That’s if your submissiveness is received by a man with love and respect. The key point here is that you need to do this inside a healthy relationship. Being submissive is NOT something that you do with an abusive man.

Being submissive in A Relationship Is Just Another Part Of You

…Another part of you that you might want to bring out sometimes.

Being submissive – whether in a joking or serious way can awaken the most masculine yet tender character in a man.

Being a submissive woman is almost never about admitting you’re “wrong” or less worthy than a man. Being submissive just allows for a man to feel more like a man around you, and as a result, have that extra feeling of passion for you.

You may have already suspected that being submissive is an integral part of showing your feminine energy. Well, part of being in touch with your feminine energy is engaging and feeling all the different parts of yourself as a woman.

This is about accepting that there are many different parts of you because at the end of the day, you are not just one kind of woman! Are you?

When you know that you’re not, you actually free yourself up to become more of yourself and who you really are. And in the process, you bring more value into your relationship.

Also, once you accept that you don’t have to be just one type of woman all the time, you start to explore a little deeper within yourself.

Are you really just the woman you are at work all day? Are you really just a cool girl or an intelligent women? Perhaps you’re all of these things, actually. Plus the things you think you shouldn’t be.

When you open to this possibility, you begin to know how to ‘go there’ (be submissive) when you want to. Submission is a part of learning to become more feminine too.

So, the question of how to be submissive leads me to address some of the “why” behind being a submissive girlfriend or wife. Why should you do it? The ‘how’ will come to you through understanding of the reason behind it.

Being In Control All The Time Doesn’t Help Your Relationship With A Man

Our society has encouraged women to keep their guard up and wear masks (instead of being comfortable in their feminine core/essence).

Many of us naturally feminine women have gotten the message that we need to hide it away. Instead of being feminine, we often choose to ‘be in control’.

At the very least, we prefer to give the impression that we are in control.

This need to be in control is one of the biggest things that not only repels men, but makes it harder for women to find a good boyfriend and keep him!

Also it’s important to remember that going to school from a young age teaches us that being ‘right’ is high on the list of importance. We as women now have to be right, be smart and be intelligent too.

Nothing wrong with all of that. I personally went to college (it’s called university here in Australia), and I got myself a law degree and an arts degree.

However, I quickly realised that it did not help me in my relationship whatsoever!

Many women have also learned that they need to be like steel in the face of conflict.

They’ve learned that protecting their image and pretending they’re always smart and capable is a type of high value.

But it’s only value for people who want to buy into a fake story of who you really are.

That is definitely not value for a man who wants to connect to your soul.

Not to mention, trying to be in control or keep up an image of how you think you should be will kill your ability to be submissive.

It will also kill your ability to develop a deep emotional attraction with a man that inspires him to want to be your man and commit to taking care of you for life!

By the way, did you know that there’s one specific emotional trigger within every man in this world that inspires him to WANT to take care of you and worship you forever?

Being Submissive In A Relationship Makes It Erotic And Passionate

I’ve mentioned it before and I’ll mention it again. A man really wants his woman to be open to him, and to let him in (emotionally, mentally, sexually, spiritually).

This is because it’s erotic for a man to feel the feeling of a woman gradually opening and trusting in him and his direction.

Of course, when we open, surrender to and trust a man’s masculine direction in the bedroom, that allows a him to feel our feminine energy.

He also gets to feel more of a man in the process of feeling your submissiveness and dominating you (hopefully from a place of love).

Modern Society & Turns Women Into Dominating Creatures

The problem with modern society and the way we’re educated (or not educated) at school, is that it’s turned a lot of women in to these intensely dominating creatures that completely emasculate the men around them.

MORE: Average song length

This problem of trying to dominate usually shows up when you face conflict inside of a relationship. And there always IS conflict and always will be in a relationship with a man, it’s natural and good.

Yet in the face of conflict, many women use these steel masks to cover up the natural parts of themselves that would come out – the vulnerable parts that could potentially create moments of connectedness with a man.

You would think that being “strong” like iron would be a cool, high status and amazing thing to do when arguing with a man. You don’t want a man to control you now, do you?

But that’s not always true. When women speak amongst each other, of course they would agree with the value of not having a man control them or dominate them.

Because women’s empowerment, right?

But many men would disagree. In fact, the ability to let go and surrender to a man is the very thing that allows a woman to feel alive. But what would you surrender to exactly?

• His desire for you sexually and emotionally
• His intention to connect with the dark side of you; and most of all
• Hid masculine direction

But there’s one problem.

This is hard for women to do. Because of how vulnerable we already secretly feel inside…

Let’s talk more about that.

Women Can Feel The MOST Vulnerable.

Women, in many ways, are the most vulnerable.

As a result, they have to use masks more than anything, to survive in a world that doesn’t always honour sensitivity.

Our world doesn’t always allow us the luxury of being sensitive to how people are treating us, how others feel and how we feel.

Our society seems to value being socially acceptable instead.

There’s nothing wrong with that…

Until we’ve practised it so long that we bring the same need to be ‘acceptable’ and fake in our intimate relationships.

In the face of conflict or just in moments of intimacy, a woman can decide to open up to her man and remove the mask.

You get that decision making power as a woman. You can choose who to give your submissiveness and feminine surrender to.

Decisions shape your future, and it’s as simple as making a decision, and focusing on the positives of offering your submissiveness rather than the comfort of doing things the same way you always have.

Allow A Man Space To Give You His Masculine Direction

What is this masculine direction thing? Why should women surrender to a man’s “direction”, much less trust a man’s direction? After all, don’t we all have our own direction?

Absolutely we do!

But as a woman who is feminine at her core, I can tell you that after spending 17+ years with a masculine man whose direction has served me at the highest level, his direction has made my life infinite.

As much as I wanted to resist him at first, as all women do, because it’s very hard to just trust a man and risk losing your own direction in the process, the rewards are truly infinite if you’re with a trustworthy man.

Here’s the bottom line:

As a woman, your direction in life will not be as well developed and trustworthy as a masculine man’s direction.

I know how explosive that statement was, so let me explain.

I am not saying all men are confident and worthy of trusting. Far from it.

I am saying that the masculine men of the world who are not average, who live life on their own terms and are willing to take great responsibility of all areas of their life, are surely worthy of offering your trust.

Many women have better masculine direction than men these days, and that’s because western men have become weaker over time.

However, these great men still exist. And a masculine man who has his masculine energy in tact will have greater capacity than you as a feminine woman in the following areas:

• His ability to perceive truth
• His ability to see patterns; and
• His ability to solve problems

Not to mention, your ability to perceive truth will not compare to a man’s ability if he is already confident and following his own direction.

Just like his ability to birth a baby will not compare to yours, his masculine body and biology is more suited to certain tasks in this life, and you offering your submissiveness only allows him to flourish in these areas.

The best thing about learning to surrender to a man’s masculine direction is that it gives him a safe place to be the dark masculine parts of him!

So, let him in and try to let him take the lead – try to trust him even when it feels unfamiliar to trust.

If you’re afraid, just say something like:

“I am afraid, but I’m willing to trust you.”

(Sorry in advance if you feel like I’m making a bunch of generalisations – but for the purpose of this post, they are useful).

The truth is, in general, men are built naturally physically stronger than women. And, they operate differently to women mentally too (think about a woman’s handbag, and how she magically fits in the contents of an entire HOUSE in it; versus a man who only carries a wallet with a few cards and some money).

Deep down, all women have vulnerabilities. All women have deep fears and feelings of uncertainty, especially in the situations where there is challenge or violence.

We simply don’t thrive on challenge like masculine men do.

So allow yourself to trust his direction more with certain things. Spend some time letting go, allowing yourself to feel into the strength he can offer you in certain situations.

You may not be able to surrender and allow him to take the reigns in bit areas yet, and that’s ok. Baby steps.

Those of us who have childhood trauma or attachment issues may struggle with this. Many of us also have a fear of abandonment. If that’s you, you may be interested in reading my article How The Fear Of Abandonment Can Make You More Beautiful…

A trustable man wants you to show him your vulnerabilities! But how can you do this? It’s a simple word of ‘I am afraid’ or ‘this scares me.’

How Does Submitting Benefit A Woman? Why Would You Want To “Submit” To A Man?

A lady asked this great question in my facebook group:

Here are the reasons to submit to a good man:

In my own relationship, I “submit” for these reasons:

1. He’s earned my trust.
2. For the enjoyment of the polarity in the relationship.
3. Because he’s passed all the possible tests under the sun, and deserves nothing less than that, in the right context.
4. Because I believe that without submission in particular contexts, you cannot really live an infinite life as a woman. You may live a good life, but not an infinite one. And this is because through submission to a good man, you get to express yourself to the fullest (dark and light feminine energy), rather than just surface interactions.

I don’t submit to my man all the way through the day…I mean, we have responsibilities and a family to raise and feed.

But I don’t think most men are worthy of women submitting to them off the bat, if AT ALL.

For a man to be worthy of submitting to, he needs to be very intelligent, resourceful, and genuine about investing in you and caring about your feelings. All of that has to occur over time.

I wouldn’t (and would never advise a woman to) submit to a lazy doorknob.

As such, “submitting” to your man really is a gradual process of you testing him, him testing you, and you growing more open and trusting of him over time. 

A Submissive Woman: Trust Him To Take You Places You Cannot Go Alone

We’ve addressed a bit about the question of how to be submissive and we will go into some examples very soon. But why should you be a submissive woman in a relationship again?

Because it allows you the gift of surrendering to, and trusting a man to take you places that you’ve never been before. Places you can never go by yourself.

Places in which only a strong masculine man can take you!

Places in which it is only with a feminine woman’s trust, that a man can take her!

The trends in our society have also lead women to become less trusting of men; one feminist even claiming that ‘all men are rapists’. If you find that you have difficulty trusting men, or even people in general, I understand. You have every right to feel that way.

Most Men Just Want To Do The Right Thing

Despite how many times you’ve been hurt by men, try to remember that every day there are men being heroic. Every day there are men out there standing up for what is right.

These are men who are taking care of and protecting people.

Most men, if they are raised reasonably well, actually want to do the right thing.

I have three sons of my own, and that’s one thing my husband and I noticed early on with them: they do want to do the right thing. Provided they have a good, responsive mother and father of course.

If they’ve experienced trauma every day of their young lives, that makes them unable to function normally day to day. Instead of learning about how to do the right thing, they waste valuable energy being anxious or acting out.

But otherwise, the majority of men and young boys want to do the right thing and be trusted as a good, capable masculine man!

If you always assume bad intent in a man and let your feminine love be capped by your resentment, how can a man ever be a man around you?

Examples Of How To Be Submissive In A Relationship

Example 1: Admit that you can’t control everything, and offer him insight into how you feel about that. Do you feel scared? Sad? Out of control?

Being submissive is about trusting your man enough to let him show you the way sometimes. Many women ask how not to be boring in their relationship.

And guess what, this is just one of the ways to not be boring. Surrender and allow your man the gift of your submissiveness!

Example 2: Also, you can ask him for help. Asking him for his opinion, or asking him for solutions is another method through which you can be submissive in a relationship.

Many men who are in touch with their masculinity at their core would jump at the chance to help a woman with something – really! It makes him feel needed, and useful. Not to mention manly.

So, ask him for help even with the smallest things like bringing the shopping in, opening a jar, carrying something heavy, undoing a knot, etc.

Give him trust where you know it is deserved, and do it without question.

Example 3: Know that he wants to have good direction to add to your life, so verbally thank him and appreciate him for gifting you with direction.

What does that mean? It means that you can thank him for sharing a solution with you.

Thank him for driving you somewhere for the first time (to a new place).

Be generous with your responsiveness and openness to his suggestions, solutions and thoughts.

Example 4: Let him be your hero. Let him fix things for you, let him take care of you sometimes.

Let him help you with things even if he isn’t a rich, tall, super strong or high status man. Every man has a little boy in him who wishes he could be the hero and save the day.

And if he loves you, he’ll be looking for every possible opportunity to add value to your life or solve the problems in your life.

If he doesn’t love you, he may still solve a problem here and there just because he’s a man, but he won’t notice the little things you need without you asking.

Good Men Work Hard To Be Trusted By A Woman

A good man will work very hard to be trustworthy to you.

However, if there’s a negative cycle of you not being willing to TRY trust him, it makes it hard for him to BECOME more trustworthy.

This is because each mistrust is possibly stripping him of hope, as well as stripping him of his trust in you (and the relationship)!

Now, this isn’t just about trusting him not to cheat on you. That can be a part of it.

However, it’s more about learning to try to trust his direction in life.

You just have to behave as a woman who is willing to show that you are open to him even when he is wrong.

To Be A Submissive Woman, Don’t Tell Him He’s Wrong

This is one of the more obvious answers to how to be submissive as a woman, but a lot of women forget it or don’t notice the pain they cause when they tell a man he is wrong.

It’s not always horrible to tell a man he’s wrong. In some contexts, perhaps it would be more efficient and get better results to tell him he’s wrong.

What you want to avoid, is fighting to be top dog in the relationship. In other words, you don’t want to be competing against him for who has the better masculine direction.

Here’s an example:

Your man wants to invest every last cent in a stock that you already know isn’t looking good.

Do you tell him he’s WRONG and it’s a horrible decision? This would crush his masculine soul.

Instead, to add value to your relationship, wouldn’t you prefer to suggest to him that it makes you feel scared and nervous because of (list reasons)?

As a woman who is learning to give a man the gift of being submissive, of course you would choose the second option. As it shows you’re willing to TRY to trust him and still be open to him.

However, if you’re with an otherwise decent man who is not reckless or has no bad intent, then it’s worth a try, isn’t it?

The principle of learning how to be submissive to your man and how to be open in your feminine energy revolves around choosing to value openness MORE than cutting him down and emasculating him.

Value Openness More Than You Value Cutting Him Down

Ultimately, inside of a healthy relationship, it should be more important to you to value openness, than it is to value cutting him down.

Why?

Because being open and surrendering adds to the passion, emotional attraction and emotional connection inside of a relationship.

Whereas being domineering just takes value from the relationship and ruins the connection.

Question: have you seen men with their little girls/daughters? They don’t want to let ANYTHING hurt their little girl! (Ok unless he’s someone like the evil Joseph Fritzl).

But for most emotionally healthy men, the same protective instinct applies with their wife or girlfriend, if only she could show a little innocence and submission – looking up to him as the leader.

To do this you need to retain some innocence though. And that part can be challenging, especially if you’ve been hurt many times before.

But here’s the key to remember:

Innocence is precious. You want to preserve it and keep it as much as possible.

Innocence can also erode with a very high number of sexual partners as well as with the number of toxic relationships you have been in.

By the way, here’s a video I made on the 10 seemingly harmless signs of a toxic relationship.

To Be More Submissive, Retain Your Innocence As Much As Possible

We live in a society that doesn’t value innocence.

We are encouraged to do things that basically ruin our innocence from a young age. So, that’s why some women (and men) do end up quite jaded – but that can be fixed.

Just imagine the innocence and purity of a happy little girl.

A girl who is well loved and who feels pretty and beautiful. What does her energy feel like? Is she warm or cold? Is she hyperactive or calm? Is she vengeful or vulnerable?

Despite you having a possibly traumatic upbringing, CAN you find it within yourself to connect to an innocent and pure girl within you?

She could be your gateway to greater openness, submissiveness and feminine energy.

You see, no high value masculine man wants to fail at leadership, especially with his woman.

And that’s why, if you can give him the gift of feeling successful around you, he will WANT to be around you and he will perceive value by being with you.

To Be Submissive, Cultivate The Ability To Sit With Uncertainty

This is where being submissive is especially powerful and strong, on the woman’s part. To be submissive, a woman has to be OK with being uncertain.

She has to let her guard down, peel off the mask and look of ‘steel’  and be free. Just look to your man as a possible source of strength for you when you might need it.

This is incredibly strong on the woman’s part.

A lot of people think that by not trusting people, they are being strong, independent and smart.

But, where does a lack of trust get us, really?

It gets us a whole world of pain, that’s what it does.

We walk around, holding ourselves back, not able to be free and to let go, and to fully enjoy what life has to offer.

We become unable to give people a chance to show their better side (often if you trust someone, they want to please you MORE).

The quality of your relationship with your man is in direct proportion to the level of uncertainty that you can handle.

Surrendering And Being Submissive

Part of knowing how to be submissive is understanding that by surrendering to a man’s leadership and strength at times, you allow your relationship to develop deep emotional and physical attraction.

You also allow the natural polarity to flow in your relationship. By surrendering control and allowing life to flow through you, you give your relationship the chance to be more real and just be free.

And you let it just flow without so much pent up anger and negative association that plagues many modern marriages and relationships.

Women who always want to be the expert, be dominant, be ‘enough’ – they often struggle in relationships or any sort, let alone with a masculine man.

As my old report ‘What Men Think’ revealed, most men who took part in the survey indicated that they most respected and admired a woman who was comfortable with her femininity and able to let her guard down.

By letting her guard down, a woman can start the process of letting him in: being open to him, making a man’s role real and worthy.

Also, being able to surrender shows that you have plenty of self confidence and esteem as a woman. This means you are not the kind of woman who just has to prove yourself all the time).

You can also be charming when you “surrender” at the right time and to the right person.

Learn How To Be A High Value Woman And Add Real Value To Your Man

The root of our anxiety in a relationship with a man and the root of our conflict with men is not being able to understand them.

What men perceive as high value is often very different to what we perceive value in as women. If you want to learn how to add value to men, then check out my most popular online course, Understanding Men.