Parenting doesn’t need to be done by experts or cost the world

“Every stage in a child’s life is there for a purpose. If we can respect and respond to her needs fully during each stage of her life, she can be done with that stage and move on.”

—Naomi Aldort

There is a certain show with a certain nanny who is British (or is she?) that makes me very angry to even think about. I have only watched it a few times. I always have to turn it off because I end up yelling at the television! She is so far off base when it comes to having a loving, authentic relationship with your child. I feel sad that some parents buy into her advice. I have such empathy for the children. I also have empathy for the parents because they must be so disconnected from themselves that they are desperate enough to reach out to a woman who doesn’t even have children herself. She has made claims that she has many years of child care experience. It frightens me to think she is deemed an “expert”.

There are so many parenting books out there by “experts”. My belief is all parents are experts, but only if they are tuned in to their own truth. It is sad to me that parents have been told for years to listen to experts outside themselves. How can somebody else know what is best for *my* child? The fact is, so many parents do not trust themselves to know what is best for their own children. I believe all parents want what is best for their children, and many now believe that listening to the so-called “experts” means they are following the rules of being a good parent. I believe it is similar to school experiences. We are trained to go along with what we are told to do; we are made to feel inadequate if we don’t follow the herd. Parents that do not follow the “rules” may get funny looks from other parents and will most definitely get the advice to read a certain book that will help, or a suggestion on what is the best way to handle the situation.

Learning to trust

For those of us who were wounded in childhood, it is sometimes difficult to trust ourselves as being the expert on what is best for our children and our families. It can feel scary to follow your heart when it may be different than what others around you are doing with their own children. It may feel scary to stand out from what is deemed “normal parenting”. Using our own childhood wounds as a starting point to find empowerment may not always feel easy. It is normal to question ourselves as parents all along the journey. However, once I got a taste of what it feels like to trust myself enough to know how to trust my kids, I was on the path to listening to the parenting expert within me. The main reason that many parents are afraid to listen to their inner parenting guide is because they have disconnected from their own inner child. I know my inner child was completely blocked out of my life until I gave birth to my children.

Something stirred deep within me after they were born. I feel grateful that I decided to breastfeed them because I think that connection helped my inner child speak up to say, “hey, there is something so much deeper here than just feeding your babies.” Connecting with them on such a deep level made me question all of the typical parenting advice and information. As they grew, I grew too. I started wondering why so many parenting “experts” were telling me things that didn’t go along with what my inner guidance system was telling me. I questioned why I should go along with something that did not feel right to me instinctually. I wondered why so many parents had trouble with their child not sleeping, why tantrums were so common, why children were “out of control”, if these “experts” were so right. Why were there still so many parenting “problems”? The answer is because parents were listening to the wrong “expert”.

Listen within

Soon I found people that told me to listen to my heart, listen to my child, and trust the process; trust my child to teach me what he needs. This was all the validation I needed! Finally, I found information that matched up with what my heart was telling me. From that point on, the only “experts” I needed was my own inner parent, and of course, my children. I want to encourage all parents to question everything they have been taught about how to parent their children. Listen to your heart, listen to your child. Stay connected to your inner guide so that you can stay connected to your children.

We have all of the parenting information we need right inside of us. We may need some validation every once in a while, but if we stay present with our ourselves, we can be with our children in the way that they expect us to be.

Summer boredom

Each summer my children can be heard incessantly screaming “I’m bored!”

While you can send your children to summer camp, or sign them up for various programs, it can start to get expensive over time — especially if you have more than one child. The danger is during holidays and other periods that you spend more than you can afford. While it might be tempting to lean on credit at this time, avenues such as credit cards might not be available to you. Whilst everyone wants to enjoy their downtime, it is worth remembering that sometimes you don’t need to go into debt to have a good time with your children. Weekend payday loans should be left for those with little to no responsibilities. Short term credit just isn’t worth it in the long-run, especially when you are already struggling with money and trying to stay out of the red.

Family Fun

If you want to do something cheap as a family, it’s possible to find some inexpensive — and even free — activities to enjoy together. Some of my favourite low-cost activities to enjoy with my family include:

Picnic: There’s nothing quite a like a picnic to enjoy family company. Pack a lunch or dinner, and head to the park — or even just eat out on blankets in your backyard.
Cheap movies: Many movie theatres offer cheap matinees for kids’ movies during the summer. You can often find concession movies on the weekend, or even special free movies. Sometimes, theatres give out special tickets to school children. Keep an eye out.
Swimming: If you can find a local pool that offers low-cost admissions, this can be a great option for family fun. Our town has inexpensive admission to the pool, which has a large grassy area, perfect for bringing a picnic lunch.
Board games: Family games can be a great to enjoy inexpensive fun, and to create fun memories. Eat popcorn along with it or make other snacks.
Outdoor activities: If you already have the gear, there are numerous outdoor activities you can do for a low cost. We like to drive an hour to a nearby lake with our large inner tubes and sandwich stuff. Other activities that can be inexpensive include bike riding, hiking, and camping. You can also have family fun with sports, including basketball, football, baseball, and other outdoor games.

More Ideas for Kids

There are other frugal activities that you can set your kids to doing during the summer as well. Many of them can also buy you some time to get some work done, or relax with some peace and quiet:

Read: Make sure your child reads over the summer. It’s important for kids to keep up with some of the skills they practice in school. Reading is very important. Encourage your child to read during the summer by offering reading material. Make a weekly visit to the library so your kids can load up on new and interesting reading material. There are free e-books for electronic readers as well.
Learning games: There are a number of educational web sites that can provide children with the ability to practice math skills, review science concepts, and practice reading. Let your child spend some time with these over the summer.
Crafts: Set up craft time for children. Provide them with supplies and let them make what they want. From popsicle stick creations, to pressed flowers, to finger painting masterpieces, to other crafts, your child’s creativity can shine.
Outside play time: If your children are old enough to play outside with minimal supervision, or if you have a safe backyard, you can send your kids out to run through the sprinkler, or just run around and be kids. I sit outside with a laptop regularly, working, while my son runs around and enjoys himself.
TV time: While you don’t want your child watching too much TV, it’s actually not a bad thing to let your kids watch a movie, or spend a little time playing video games. During the hottest part of the day, when it’s too hot to be running around, and when it’s not safe, bring them in for a little screen time.