What is Anger? Everything You Should Know

Anger is a normal, usually healthy emotion. It signals to you that you feel upset, mistreated, or threatened. But this message only comes across if you’re good at anger management. 

Failing to take control can cause a host of problems. You may find yourself saying things you regret, threatening people, or doing things without a second thought. Sometimes anger can lead you to inflict physical harm on the person who has angered you. Not to mention, harboring resentment can affect your health.

However, getting angry seems inevitable at times. Sometimes you’re just having a bad day. Or, you keep running into frustrating situations like getting stuck in traffic, deal with impossible deadlines, or face other negative things. It’s okay to be upset in such situations. 

Relationships

How We Express Anger

Anxiety and anger are often accompanied by headaches, increased heart rate, and muscle tension. Most people try to relieve themselves of these symptoms by expressing how they feel. 

We express anger physically or verbally. Physical expression examples include throwing things, raising clenched fists, breaking things, or hitting walls. Anger is expressed verbally by yelling, shouting, cursing, arguing, and expressing sarcasm.

Why Some People Get Angrier Than Others

Everyone gets angry at some point in their life. It’s human nature. However, people deal with anger differently. Some people have better control of their anger than others. 

In most cases, those who get angrier than others don’t do it intentionally. It stems from a combination of factors, which may include:

• Personal history: for instance, someone who doesn’t know how to control anger is more likely to react more intense
• Inherited tendencies
• Underlying medical conditions and mental health issues
• Hormonal imbalance

Why Should We Manage Anger?

There’s a common misconception that involves suppressing one’s emotions. This couldn’t be further from the truth. No matter how hard you try to suppress this emotion, it will always come out. In fact, suppressed emotions are worse because they creep back up when you’re least expecting it.

Managing anger is crucial because it allows you to interpret the emotion and find healthier ways to deal with it without losing control. When you take this approach, you’ll feel better, approach your offender differently, and you’re more likely to get your needs met.

However, it takes practice to learn how to manage your anger. The more you do it, the better you get at it. And the benefits are worth it. You get to build stronger relationships, lead a healthier life, and accomplish your goals without distractions.

Strategies That Can Help Keep Anger at Bay

Anger management techniques come in handy when you’re trying to take better control of your anger. These techniques involve rewiring your thinking and behavior in the face of anger. They are based on the notion that your thoughts, feelings, and behavior are connected. 

Include the following strategies in your plan for better anger management, and you’ll notice a significant improvement:

Relaxation

You can try different things like meditation, stretching, and breathing exercises. At first, you may not notice a difference in how you feel. However, the more you do it, the better you get, and the more effective the strategy becomes.

Problem-Solving

It’s easy to get into an angry outburst when you are focused on the problem. However, anger doesn’t help you in any way. A better approach would be to sit with the person and figure out how to solve the problem at hand.

Cognitive Restructuring

Cognitive restructuring is a process that helps you understand negative emotions like anger and challenge maladaptive thoughts that come with it. 

The more you do it, the better you understand why you’re feeling angry. What’s more, you’re better to control your emotions.

Using Humor

If you’re looking for the secret on how to deal with anger in a relationship, humor is an excellent solution. It lightens the mood, keeps things in perspective, and allows you to reframe the problem. 

However, if you decide to go with this approach, ensure you’re not using sarcasm or laughing at the person. The goal is to keep things funny while passing your message across in a way that doesn’t hurt the other person’s feelings.

Better Communication

A simple conversation can resolve your anger in minutes. In most cases, your offender isn’t even aware that they’ve offended you. Therefore, staying angry only hurts you. 

It’s better to have a calm and honest conversation about how you feel. You’ll find that by the end of the conversation, you’re close to an amicable resolution.

Changing Your Environment

In the heat of an argument, when you feel like you’re on the verge of exploding, the best thing you can do is to walk away. Stepping away from the situation gives you time to calm your mind and body. Furthermore, you’re in a better position to examine your feelings and choose a healthier reaction. 

Healthy Ways on How to Deal With Anger

If you’ve examined your emotions and you’re convinced the situation warrants your anger, and there’s something you can do about it, choose to handle it in a healthy way. Doing so will enable you to deal with anger without damaging your relationships. 

Consider the following:

Fighting Fair

When you’re extremely upset, there may be a need to make the other person feel the way you do. Most people result in insults, hitting below the belt, and more. Taking this route may mean the end of your relationship.

Instead, fight fair. Express your emotions while respecting the other person.

Forgiveness

It’s impossible to resolve a conflict if you’re unwilling to forgive. Part of the process is letting the offender off the hook. Otherwise, you’ll be overwhelmed with the need to retaliate and get compensation. 

Interestingly, no amount of revenge will make you feel better.

Focus on the Present

Anger makes your mind wander in all directions. You stop focusing on the issue at hand and start thinking of all the wrong things the person has done to you in the past. However, in the spirit of fighting fair, you need to keep your argument about the matter at hand. Don’t bring up things they did 10 or so years ago.

Know When to Let Go

What causes anger that affects people’s health and relationships is not knowing when to let go. You may have the intention to resolve the problem and move forward. 

However, this only happens if the other person is willing to go in that direction with you. No amount of insisting will convince them otherwise. 

Therefore, you need to know when it’s time to agree to disagree. Otherwise, holding on to the hurt and resentment will only cause you to drift from your loved ones.

Prioritize the Relationship

When you’re angry, the only person on your mind is you. You want to seek justice for being wronged. Compensation doesn’t seem like a bad idea. And in the heat of things, you’ll say anything to make the person feel exactly how they made you feel.

You shouldn’t get into an argument with this thought pattern. Doing so will only damage your relationship.

Remember what the person means to you, and do everything you can to resolve the conflict without damaging the relationship.

Get a Mediator

When both you and your offender are angry, it’s hard to resolve the problem. Each of you feels hurt and wants to express your emotions as you see fit. The result is a lot of yelling, shouting, and throwing things. 

This doesn’t make the situation better. Consider getting someone to mediate. It should be someone impartial and who has both of your interests at heart.

Anger Management Therapy: How Does Counseling Can Help You Manage Anger?

If you don’t know how to control anger by yourself, a therapist can help. Counselors are trained to deal with people who struggle with anger management issues. They’ll not only help you identify the root of your anger but also help you understand your intense reactions.

Furthermore, therapists use evidence-based proven strategies to help you cope and make healthier decisions. Therefore, if you or your loved one struggles with anger, consider counseling. 

The Calmerry platform provides access to mental health professionals. You can get reliable and affordable online therapy help to deal with anger, other emotional struggles, or mental health disorders. Explore the site and get matched with a therapist that meshes well with you. Begin your journey to recovery today!